Should I Stay or Leave?


Let me just say, if your spouse is WILLING to work on the marriage, even if you only have 1% left….do EVERYTHING you can to make it work. (Even if there has been adultery involved.)  You won’t regret trying to save your marriage, but you will regret not trying later.

  1. Seek counseling.
  2. Go to marriage seminars..Love After Marriage is a great ministry through Bethel Church in Redding and couples who have experienced extreme healing can testify that adultery can be survived.  The key is that both spouses MUST be willing to work on the marriage.
  3. Be honest and transparent with how you are going to make it work on BOTH sides.
  4. Write down a “Let’s Save Our Marriage” plan…how are we going to make this work? List the things you are each going to do to make changes in how you interact and treat one another. What are some of the main issues you can start tackling?
  5. Write down your weaknesses and tell your spouse how they can help support you while you work on them. (Don’t play the blame game. Identify only your own weakness–not your spouse’s!)
  6. Get a solid marriage book that you will commit to reading atleast 2x a week.  Love After Marriage by Barry and Lori Byrne is an amazing tool for couples. PERIOD!
  7. Start dating each other again! Challenge yourselves to go on a date atleast once a week.

When I received counseling, I asked what signs would be present if my marriage was to work. Here are some keys that were given to me:

  1. Your spouse has to give a full confession and be repentant of what he has done–without prompting!
  2. He has to feel remorse and care about how his actions affected you.
  3. Change needs to be seen, and it needs to happen over time.

If all of these things are not present, then divorce may be the only option left…but you will know when you have exhausted everything possible to make it work. To read how I began to move on and get my healing, please click here.

***If you are in a situation that involves physical harm to you or anyone else involved in your household, I advise for you to get immediate help. First, leave to a place of safety as soon as possible. In this case, safety and health is priority. If you are in danger, do not be afraid to reach out and call the police. Call a professional counselor who can help you. You can also confidentially contact the domestic abuse hotline by clicking here. No one should stay in a life threatening situation. An abusive relationship is extremely dangerous and can escalate suddenly.