My Story: Fairy Tales Never End

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Before you read my story, please realize my intent. My intent is not to put my ex-husband on blast. My story is meant to let other women know that they are not alone. I recently had an incredible experience where I shared what I am facing. After the meeting, 21 women from all ages approached me and told me they had gone through a similar experience. It was then that I decided to create this website to be a support system for women who are still in the “mud.”

If you read my story, do me a FAVOR. Don’t just read this as a story. DO SOMETHING and take action. Or else, me sharing my story has gone to waste. 1) Please share this website so more hearts can be healed. 2) PLEASE use the website menu to find lists of books and other resources.

Note: This story was written while I was still married to my ex-husband. I chose to write it then because I wanted to capture the real emotions in my journey.

Once upon a time, I fell in love with the man of my dreams. We had the most romantic story. After our first week of dating, he sent me a Tiffany’s necklace and told me I was going to be his wife! He always opened the door for me—even if I was driving. He was Christian, handsome, buff, patient, honest, and intelligent–what more could I want? We talked on the phone for hours, we facetimed all the time, and we survived a 2,000 mile distance relationship. We had two weddings…one was an on-the-fly wedding where I picked him up from the airport in a wedding dress and we got married close to midnight. We were fun, adventurous, the world was our playground…and I honestly thought my husband was a gift from God.

Four months after we got married, my husband began to act differently. He started to show less interest in me physically and started to have extreme outbursts of anger. Because of my insecurities and not realizing my self-worth, I did not recognize that these were all symptoms of being in an emotionally abusive relationship. During some of our fights, he began to call me names. He began to swear at me, throw things near me, break things, hit walls, and he was intensely violent when angry–though he never directly hit me. He also became increasingly controlling. When we were out shopping, he would often ask what I was looking at and why. One time, he even physically prevented me from going somewhere in a store.

The day that changed everything: It had been a month since we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. That morning, I had made an appointment with a counselor because my husband was really starting to act disinterested–and I wanted to work on myself if the problem was with me. I told her what was going on, and she advised me to leave him and get help. She stated that I was in an abusive relationship. However, I refused to accept her advice. I was in denial; I wanted her to tell me how I could fix my marriage–not leave it. Little did I know, that her advice was right.

That evening, my husband left for work without saying goodbye. He always said goodbye before leaving for work. It was our thing. I was working at the community pool in our apartment complex and had told him to stop by before he left . It was literally a minute down the street. But, he didn’t come. I stared at my watch and cried. I had been looking forward to saying goodbye to him. Something was wrong. I knew it. But, what? For the first time in our entire marriage, I felt the need to check the phone bill. Looking back, I know it was God’s prompting. I had never reviewed our phone bill before.

I stared at the bill on the computer screen. No, this can’t be right. There must be some mistake. My heart was pounding so hard it felt like my chest was going to explode. Were all of these calls really made this morning and on his way to work? The whole time I was with the counselor desperately wanting advice on how to fix our marriage, he was on the phone. NOOOOOO! NO, NO, NO! I felt panicky; I felt like I couldn’t breathe. So, that’s why he didn’t say goodbye? I confronted my husband on the phone, “You called prostitutes? I can’t beli–” “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! It’s not what you think!” He yelled back. He hung up on me shortly after without an apology. My heart sank.

Upon further investigation, I learned that my husband had been calling prostitutes 6-7 times a day. In fact, he had been lying that he was at work–when he was actually with those women. I discovered it had been a sexual addiction that existed years before we got married. He had been brazen enough to make phone calls to other women while I was home with him. I couldn’t figure out how he had gotten all of this past me. Who was I really sharing the bed with? Who was this stranger I had married?

What devastated me the most is I saved my virginity and my first real kiss for my husband. And, I believe because of this, I was willing to make the marriage work with my “first love” at any cost–even if he wasn’t willing. This is what made me hang on for so long. But, in retrospect, there is nothing wrong with doing everything you can before calling it quits. In fact, you should ALWAYS exhaust every option before filing for divorce.

For the next two months, we tried reading books, sought professional counseling, and prayed. He claimed that he was trying his best to work on our marriage. However, my husband showed no true remorse or repentance–and made it very clear that things would not change. Even though I found all of the evidence I needed–I never received a full confession. During our last counseling session, he ran out of the room before it was over. That is when I knew things were taking a turn for the worst.

I cried many times on the bathroom floor for hours, wept on the phone with friends, and cried myself to sleep. I felt so alone. So, so alone…in a marriage. And, I kept everything a secret for months.

I finally decided to take a trip to see family and friends. I needed to get some space to think clearly about what to do. Before my trip, my husband told me that if I chose to stay in the marriage, not to expect change from him. Then, he gave me an ultimatum and said he wanted me to decide to leave or stay by the time I came back from seeing family. On the way to the airport, he told me that I would never be more important than his job.

The day I told him I wanted a divorce, he emptied out our bank account and left me with $70.00. I broke down when I found out I was dirt broke. I couldn’t believe that my man would break my heart and steal my money. Fortunately, I had a supportive family that immediately pitched in to help me get by during the next few weeks. I couldn’t believe he was the same man I gave up my career for, supported financially through medical school, and vowed to love ’til death do us part. Frantically, I booked an emergency flight for my brother and I to return to my apartment–I wasn’t sure what else my husband would do to my belongings or to me.

I arrived home and within a few days, I made arrangements to move out. The night before I left, I crawled into bed with my husband, put his arm around me and just wanted him to hold me so I felt alright. His arm was limp, but I just wanted to pretend for a few moments that everything was ok. I was about to move 2,000 miles away from the man I loved. The thought made me shudder. I wanted him to comfort me in my agony and pain…I knew it was the last time I would ever be this close to him. I laid there, wide awake.

Seeking comfort from the very person that hurt you seems ironic–but he was my lover, my best friend, MY HUSBAND. I cried. He was sleeping like a rock, unaffected, and oblivious to my tears.

On moving day, I told my husband that I still wanted to see if our marriage could work somehow. I knew I had to leave because things had gotten so toxic–but I didn’t want it to be permanent. I said, “I still believe in second chances.” In response, my husband told me that our marriage was “just a piece of paper.”

I dreaded that moment–saying goodbye. In my mind, I kept thinking of how I would say it, but there was no right way to do it. Saying goodbye to my husband was never supposed to happen. It was my worst nightmare.

It was dark outside. We had moved everything into the trailer attached to my little car, and everything was ready to go. He said a short goodbye to the puppy we had parented together, hugged my brother, and walked up to me. I opened my arms and held him as tight as I could, because I knew it may be the last time I saw his face. I didn’t want to let go. My arms were around him, my hands grabbing his neck tightly, and tears streamed down my face as I said, “Take care of yourself, ok? I am going to miss you so much. I love you.” And, he told me that he loved me too–and he gave me a kiss. A kiss that stung because it was a goodbye-forever kiss. A kiss that was both sweet and painful. I got in the car only to get back out. I ran to my husband one more time and held him. My heart was aching. I said, “I can’t believe I may never see you again. I am going to miss you so much,” My face was wet with tears once again. His last words were, “You are doing the right thing. I am sorry that I am not your happy ending.”

Ever since I left, I have been pursuing my husband for reconciliation. I attempted to meet with him several times, but he refused to see me. I learned that my husband quickly got himself a mistress–which explains why he did not want to see me. It was heartbreaking, and I allowed myself to be hurt all over again over the news. I even took her picture and placed it beside mine to see who was prettier. Can you believe I bought into the lie of comparison? I allowed the Enemy to make me believe that somehow this new woman had something to give him that I didn’t! I also began to get upset at her for being in a relationship with my husband, but then I realized that she probably is innocent and has no clue that the man she is dating is a seasoned liar.

To the outside world, my husband is a perfect gentleman. He has a successful career, is highly educated, and is charming in every way. He is wonderful with children, stops for homeless people, and displays a genuine sense of care for the community. To most, he is known for being well spoken, caring, and lighthearted. He also professes to be a very strong Christian and often brings God into conversations. It seems that I am the only person that has ever seen what my husband is really like behind closed doors. Unfortunately, the trap of sexual sin and deceit does not discriminate between persons. It is very easy to fall into temptation when we keep a life full of secrets.

I was told by one of his family members that I should just “drop” the fact that he was seeing prostitutes and move on. I attempted to prove that I was telling the truth and even was willing to show them evidence. However, most of his family and friends turned their back on me. Friends and family that I thought would stand by our marriage and encourage us to fight for it, failed. It has been sad to lose not only a husband, but all of the relationships that I gained through him.

Losing your husband’s affection and love is such a shock. It’s like a punch that knocks you down and makes you dizzy when you get back up. It feels like you can’t breathe…and if you do, you are going to die. It feels like your world is ending and you can never recover. It feels like if he is gone, then why do I exist anymore? It is almost worse than him dying because that would be easier to accept. But how do you deal with seeing your husband so happy with someone else–and feeling like you wasted so much time and love on one person? What was the point after all? Can I get a refund for my wedding dress–actually how about for the two wedding dresses for both our weddings?

For all the women who have been in my shoes, you know that doing little things you never had to do when your husband was around now reminds you of his absence. You begin to remember your husband when you suddenly find yourself: carrying luggage down the stairs on your own, clipping your dog’s toenails, fixing something, reaching something that you would have had your husband get from the top shelf, opening your own door, snuggling on the couch alone, missing that goodnight kiss before bed, going to a restaurant and hearing “table for 1,” and wishing you had someone to call after work named “Babe, Baby, Honey, Dear, Love….Handsome.”

And that is why I am sharing my story…if not for advice–then for comfort. Comfort to tell you that I am in this mud with you…and you and I–we will get through….survive and dare I say…THRIVE. We are women. Strong, creative, passionate…and our kind is what holds and gives birth to new life both physically and spiritually. We give men their strength, the gentle touch they need after a long day, comfort, a listening ear with a tender heart, love, passion, and that is why we can’t lose who we are because of men that mistreat us. Because, without a woman—marriage can’t work. We are important and vital. And, we need to stop blaming ourselves for being unattractive when our men walk away.

If you are severely depressed, I have been there. I was struggling with depression, heartache, brokenness, shame, guilt, embarrassment, confusion, anger–and emotions that can’t even be named. But you know what started to free me of the shame? Breaking the secret. Letting the cat out of the bag and not letting the enemy keep my shame locked up. It sounds ironic but it is true.

The longer you keep what is happening to you a secret, the less help you will get, the less prayer you will receive, and the shame will begin to build and build until it seems almost unbearable to live. I have driven my car and wished someone would just crash into me…I have looked out my window and wanted to jump….but you know what I realized? I WANT TO LIVE. Because I was Jen before I met him. And I am STILL Jen now. And I WAS SOMEBODY before I met him, and I AM SOMEBODY NOW.

If you are facing divorce: Don’t mix your ex-spouse up with everything good. Just because he is gone…doesn’t mean that everything good left with him. You have goodness in you…and if you think that you can’t possibly move on without him….that is a lie from the pit of hell.

You may think that your fairy tale was ruined by failure. Let me tell you now, that your fairy tale hasn’t come to an end. Because in God, fairy tales NEVER END.

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Your story, as broken as it looks, can still end with healing and freedom. That, my friends, is a real fairy tale! It doesn’t have to stay broken forever–in fact, I KNOW it will become the most beautiful story. God is a God of redemption, and if we let him heal our pain–he never lets anything go to waste.

In Christ’s Love,

Jen

 

 

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24 thoughts on “My Story: Fairy Tales Never End

  1. Suzanne Burleson says:

    You go girl! I am so proud of you, Jen, for creating this site to share your pain and let it be an impetus for healing, not only for yourself but for others to know they are not alone in their pain & brokenness! Let the healing begin!!!⛅

    Like

  2. Chazz says:

    Jen, you are a strong woman of God. He will continue to be your comfort and strength. He will also judge in the end. Praying for you daily for God’s love and protection over you.

    Like

  3. Eric says:

    Jen, the Father of compassion & God of all comfort knows & rest assured you & the rest of those suffering are in His arms where there is peace that only He can give. Continued prayers your way! Love…Ritalinda.

    Like

    • nancy mignacca says:

      Your story touches home with me, and I am reminded of the song by Gloria Gaynor, I WILL SURVIVE – and I did, It’s been over 20 years and IT WAS HARD, YES, but I SURVIVED – God Bless You!! -it’s stay RAW for a long while – then one day you might even be able to laugh and make jokes about it, never thought I would, but I did and still am!

      Like

      • thehealedheart1 says:

        Wow, Glory to God. I am encouraged by the victory you have experienced in your own journey through heartbreak. I am looking forward to receiving that same victory as well! God bless, Jen

        Like

  4. Jennifer Cote says:

    Jen, it’s so true, what you say: Expose the pain to the light! When Jess mentioned what was going on, Tom and I started praying. How beautiful that God is answering our prayers already. Seeing you work through this, trusting in our ultimate Redeemer, is an awesome thing. May He continue to work miracles through you ❤

    Like

  5. WashingtonMOsiro says:

    You have goodness in you….This statement Jen, says it all….Because you are made in the image of the ultimate embodiment of goodness – Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. All the best…I have faith and confidence in you given what I have read thus far…

    Like

  6. May Chin Lim says:

    HI Jen, thank you so much for sharing your story. I am amazed you speak with no bitterness and hatred in your heart. I sense the deep wounds and hurts and betrayal you experience and despite the pain you have such a sweet spirit and so much love for God and forgiveness in your heart. I hope you will continue to be healed. My prayers for you and may you continue to soar!

    Like

  7. thehealedheart1 says:

    Hello May! Thank you for writing me. I am
    still healing and believe me, I have my moments of dealing with anger and resentment! But, God is giving me so much to look forward to and I am truly working through forgiving him for everything. It definitely is a process! Thank you for visiting my website! I hope you get to share it with someone you know. Blessings

    Like

  8. ReignofFaith says:

    Found your blog on the Discover Challenge for the Origin Story prompt. I can definitely see why this is an important story to tell. Continued strength, wisdom, and love to you!

    Like

  9. Danny Stark says:

    hey girl,i’am sorry to hear things took a true for the worse.
    that sucks super badly. thats why i think its always better to be single and just have
    friends since somepeople can date or get married but sometimes its better if you
    just stay friends since you never know what a person male or even female could bring to the table once you’re dating or marry them. even if it feels so right. its always the innocent ones.
    its nothing to really get hungup on but the times of the memories and all that. i hate hearing
    about female friends of mine getting cheated on or any female i know. it seems very heartbreaking. i may of been cheated on a couples times recently when i dated the last two females i dated. due to how they started acting out of no where. so i dont really get too hungup but it can be very heartbreaking if you think you have a connect. but you never know someones true intent. since anyone can say anything but if you dont pick up on this or that.
    its hard to say. so i dont know why its such an ordeal for some dudes to stay normal
    once they date a person. or get married. its like they get too cozy or comfy. and any time ive dated a lady since i was a teen. i probley was the one that got messed over since.
    its normally them who want a bf and me who wants a friend (not each time,just varys i guess).but ive had my heart broke a few times and had to spring out of it and got super depressed since sometimes people want what they can have or when they have somthing
    they dont want it but than when its there (a person). they ignore the person. but than
    out of no where its like :a hhhh crap. and its like it hits them like a ton of bricks.
    i my self never get too hung up on females just since it can be too time consuming.
    but its always nice to have a female with you when you’re a guy or vice versa.
    but for me in my times its always the chick that does stuff to me pretty much everytime.
    so i guess i can relate. sometimes i dont even want to bother just since id rather be single
    but theres times when its nice to have some one to snuggle with or talk too.
    if and when im having a blue day. i myself just know my self enough.
    that i just always worn females im not much of a bf type. i can act like one but
    things get insanly weird and than my mom and sister dont talk to me for long times.
    so thats kind of one reason. id rather justh ave female friend. vrs lover.
    cus its too much work bringin a female around my fam and maybe i just always took the wrong way. and maybe should of tossed each female around my dad since he always expects me to be a gent. but than my mom and sis kind of just sit there like ttheyre gona swing on them.
    i dont know its strange.(but i hope this makes sense,if not my bad).

    ill assume as a guy,
    maybe this guy is someone who should be single all the time,
    or maybe some one that just has female friends or stays away from females.
    since it seems like he may of been at it for years and maybe he just says
    he’s this way but he just tries to hard or maybe he just gets too distracted too easy
    with a bunch of sexual stuff and it makes it too hard for him to focus on everything.
    esp if people expect him to be a saint and christian. some times some dudes just
    kind of end up belly flooping (i say this as a male). so,
    not trying to side with him. since everything you stated is too funky.
    but maybe he just needs to stay away from women all together?.
    its hard being a guy non-the less but if he truly cared he’d show’d it.
    and you’re super chill and fun and adventersome and all that.
    so reading the whole thing was pretty upsetting.
    who knows may he preys on a certian type of female.
    or he just does this alot. it sucks being a dude since theres always the stigma of
    whats he really like. so i myself dont like to spend too much time with a female
    just out of worrying that id turn in to a jerk or get too comfy or cozy.
    (if that makes sense). it sucks when you’re a male to a female
    since you want to do everything you can and be the best (or thats how i see it).
    but sometimes if a guy gets too comfy maybe its his own problem,
    or may he get it from someone in his fam or a bunch of his friends.
    theres a vast multiude of things. it just sucks when i hear about
    guys breaking females hearts since everytime ive dated a female.
    ive been the one thats got dumped and its varied each time.
    depending on the matter with the person. so i guess i feel you on that aspect.
    since i’ve wondered if i’ve ever had a female jerk me a round in the same way
    as this guy to you. since i wonder if i get a bunch of liar types.
    sometimes i can pick it up but than sometimes a get some save face people.
    that its like ah crap this and that and that and this doesnt add up.
    thats why for me theres a lot of pros and cons with anything with guys and gals.
    since some people act away if theyre just friends but than soon as its a little more
    serious its like wait who are you you arent the person i used to hangout with.
    ive heard many stories and had many females call me crying or sit next to me
    and they’d just start crying their heads off and id just sit there patting them on the back.

    but i persoanlly myself rather be single just,
    due to having trust issuses. and i always have to relex myself from
    getting angry cus i get worked up sometimes just out of.
    sometimes i sense something and it seeems not right
    but than i sometimes loose my cool. so i have been guilty of
    get a little angry or loud just cus maybe i just get insanly over protective of myself
    just due to getting hurt in the past. dont really stand by it or othertimes ive seen
    i may of been a little bit more of a jerky terky if i was caught off gaurd or
    if i was around someone who gets insanly angry. cus i always warn people.
    that i have anger issues but its most cus im insanly deffensive cus ive been
    screwed over alot and i feel it super tough but sometimes not every i know
    is on the same level as me. and ive noticed myself having to
    shake my head or walk away and cool off jus since ive had so many females
    call my crying and all that. no ones perfect but i just always try to be even temepred
    with the gals since its useless but i think i get a bunch of lying as it gets ladies.
    so i guess for me i just get screwed over everytime i hangout with a female.
    and im just insanly paranoid due to some abuvsie aspect from when i was a child
    and i kept it from people so i myself try to just be easy but some times some people
    are good at one they do male or female.
    it happened to me the last two times i tried getting near a female.
    they both warned me that they werent the types to havea boo thing.
    but on the other end they both were the ones that want to date me.
    so that kind of thru me off. and i went kind of nuts both times.
    just cus i was around a bunch of jerky immature guys than me
    and i may of just lost my cool cus i get confused when ever i date a lady.
    just since i like ot have some one to be cute and snuggly with but than
    i always fear rejection or may i just act like the female should act.
    an i just fear the worst and such. (sorry to rramble)
    but its always hard to gain really why two people are
    united together it never makes sense to me.
    some can handle it some cant.
    some its too much pressure or some just like to pick on the innocent
    as yourrself. so maybe with this guy maybe its something he does alot.
    maybe hes known for it maybe not.
    i always upsets me hearing when dudes are jerks to females.
    cus its bound to happen(sadly)
    but the way some guys are a bout it.
    its like then go in to lazy little kid mode and just think about them selfs.
    hard to hear and hard to discpiline yourself since something
    could seem so perfect and so right and everything
    could see so real and wonderful
    but than as time passes its like
    wheres the magic wheres the spark
    we hardly hang out
    i miss when we were best budds or we were mad about eachother
    now its like were just here. maybe we hangout
    maybe not.

    i mostly stay single just out of,
    my mom and anna go bonkers on every female i stand next too. vrs every female my brother gets near. that its eaiser to just save the drama. due to they just kind of sit there. acting some kind of way never speaking to any female i know. so thats why i just opt out of dating. and just hangout with this gal or that gal. since its always nice but than soon as you try to date me. its like my mom and sister go insanly nutty and bizzare. so its more so in the realm that they dont disown me. cus if its a female they know its a gay old time. but if its a female i know its remark after remark and you get the dirty looks dept. so, it just always upsets me. and just kind of tell most females look dont hangout with me youre probley really cool and a nice person. but if i introduce you to my mom and sister. and my sisters friends theyre all just going to just give you dirty looks and act like you’re not even there. and probley be insanly racist since i tend to always go for the minority gals. so sorry to ramble but it just made me think. i may of probley had such happen. always hate hearing about marriages fall apart might as well just be single or just stay dating.than theres people like me that just like to have female friends to hang out with
    since i never know how my mom my sister or my sisters firneds will react so for me its just an easy wayto aviod having my mom tell annato ignore and aovid me at all times.cus my mom acts like a weird lady and acts like shes my sister than my sister acts normalbut than my mom acts insane and wont ever speak to any female i know. so i just hide every female i know from them since my brother and dad expect me to act like a peach but than. i just always say just be friends with me cus you’re of another culture and thingswill get real weird real fast.so if this is too much you could delete it. just hate to hear that you had to suffer. so deeply cus i got insanly depressed in 2008 when i was going out with this chick thinking she was the one and everything seeemd so right and perfectbut on the flip side she aas well tell me she had comitment problems
    and one of my friends dated her before and than some how we ended up pairing ways.and
    it just became a big old hairy mess and i kind of zoned out of reality for a bit.
    cus she seemed so nice but than she moved to san jose and i may of just
    needed to cool my jets. since im wondering if the group of people i was around
    made me act a bit odd or careless due to i was around a bunch of people i worked with
    and a bunch of one of my friends friends and i may of just acted a little but
    too ego like just out of the change of people. not pefrect by any means but i understand
    i got super down in the dumps and super depressed in 2008. that you could see the depression on me (probley). as well as you could see it. probley or feel it in my bed room.
    or in my car cus i was having all types of unheallthy thoughts and kind of just stewed there. i may of just went over kill cus i lost my virginity to her and i always figured id wait til i got married but than i may of just acted like a silly just out of the not my normal people being around me. and its like i was a raditor of depression. i couldnt even fuction.
    so i understand. i probley got a little worked up but id just cry alot or id have to fight back the tears if id be at work or around people. which sounds insane but maybe a circumstance
    to look back on and laugh on how upset i got. it may of just been a little worse due to a friend of mines dad dying around the same time so i think a bit of his depression state went in to me. but none the less i understand i used to just drive around having a little of antsy pantsy thoughts like being super paranoiod since i never open up to females and she seemed so cool but maybe i should of just not get worked up since such a journey from vallejo to sj.
    any number of things could happpen. i kind of just ended up letting it get me so down.
    to the dumps that out of no where i just started drinking and i dont even drink
    but i guess not having my normal people around me. and letting some more neg people
    get around me i ended up finding myself just drinking my pain away which
    i said id never do in my teen years (oh how i was naive) but i guess it may of just been
    due to the people i was around not acting myself and just slipping up cus
    id end up at a bunch of parties with who em ever and just kind of just been there.
    not being able to resist just out of beind so depressed about life and the faailed attempt.
    it may of been a bit hokey but i thought for a reason i dont know. itd be a mastter that we’d stay to gether for ever. maybe i was just running of no sleep and wasnt thinking
    since i had worked til 2am and might of just been not all there mentally cus i dated the lady at the job you and jess would come see me at with steven.
    so i feel it cus i got super duper depresssed and i almost killed myself
    and now im like well that was a silly thought
    but it may of just been do to the mixed company of friends friends and co workers vrs
    my close friends. i think i just get super clingy and act like the female would
    normally act vrs with most dudes since i got problems in the head
    from when i was in middle school and i got sexually assutled a few times
    and never made mention of it so it kind of just always made me
    want to just rather be single just to not burden a female
    if i ever acted a fool just out of i try to be self aware
    but i know alot of dudes and most of them are just jerky terkys
    and it always makes me just rather be a friend and all that just cus
    i just am too paranoid and would rather not hurt a female cus due to
    i fear getting near gals since i never know how ill act just out of
    my own problems with myself and i just think its good to be a nice guy to gals.
    since its useless but it sucks when you want to be with someone and it doesnt work out
    and you want to fight yourself or evey one else or just deny something or what have you.
    or what ever the temption factor is at hand. life is full of temption. and its even
    worse if you dare to date a person or marry cus soon as you take those steps
    you can see that oh maybe this isnt the person i thought
    or maybe im more in it then they are.
    i just like to flirt and make a bunch of jokesand just have innocent crushes on any lady i know just cus ive gotten myself worked up
    and got so bitter or angry or depressed or negitive that ive let it take over me
    as a person a few times. just out of being young and moody. and than i get insanly
    annoyed sometimes when i probley shouldnt just my own problem i guess.
    from being super insecure and having a my mind go a mile a miunte. i just get all types of emos going and id rather just not cus i get all types of moody and mood swings
    nad i always just say like just be friends since i dont want to go in jerk mode.
    i just get too moody cus galpals are nice but my own troubles i have of notalways keeping myself sensebile or keep myself senstive i think im just scared that ill get hurt
    and just let my emos get the hold of me. since i dont trust anyone but than
    the last two times i dated i may of just let myself get caught off guard
    but both times we both kind of sat each other day and lectured the other one
    so i guess thats kind of fruitless since we both times. we sat eachother down
    but than we both ignored ourselfs and eachother for whatever reason
    trying so hard to make it work. thats why id rather just be single cus
    i have anger problems and i hate showing them to females and ill never hide it
    i always tell people i have angry guy problems and it might catch you after gaurd.
    (i have all the funny stuff that runs in the guys in my fam on both sides it sucks,
    plus i just always put up awhile since i got tramatized at a young age and i just seeem like a jerk and put a angry face on but im just a person with strong freatures and if im upset or angry
    youll see it with my right eye brow going up. yelling is about as far as i go) id just rather be single just cus i fear that a lady will get sick of me and ill get jealous and than have the same thoughts as you stated about driving and the window. im just paraonid and just think single danny is better cus i get way too side tracked for no reason haha.
    so anyways ill just leave it at you’re a vivberant person and a gal with a good head on her shoulders and have a types of people routing for you. that i am sure even if i had seen you in a minute. those times when id always have you and jess drop by and see me at work
    or the time we went to chuck e cheese with steven were joyful times i was just telling my mom
    a while back how when ever i hangout with you or jessica its always a blast since you guys just radiate joy and happinesss and posi vibes. wish i could say that was so for other people i know. never a dull time. i always enjoy running in to you and your sister just out of the love
    and happiness you bring in the picture, def good people to run in to if youre depressed
    or down in the dumps or feeling blue about life. (sorry if this is too long you can delete it)
    but im sure the guy upstiars might have somthing in store for you. maybe just somthing
    to make you get closer to all your close friends and your family.
    you can flip it for the better. if i had money id donate but im flat broke and jobless.
    so hope that everything works out in your favor and something shifts if it already hasnt.
    ill keep you in my prayers havnt been all that there latly but if needed ill send
    a shout out your way cus its always fun like that time at dennys after i got off of work
    and you guys bedezzled a D on my a’s hat priceless memories kind of made a smerk come up. so hope you are well. if this is too out there you dont have to responde just saw your sister post this and deicded to take a little loosky. so take care of yourself and dont let the world
    get you down its a crazy strange place essp the older you get. it only gets weirder and stranger and crazier so those times are good to have a good safty net and support net. id give you a high five if i could haha. but on a serious note God didnt put you thru that
    mess and ordeal for you to not come out swinging and come out a champ.so im sure
    once you get thru the storm itll be worth the pain since you’re Jen. and super duper fly.
    so keep up the good work in life and stay positive. its always best i think to flip every neg and make it a positive. (thats how i live).

    Liked by 1 person

    • thehealedheart1 says:

      Aww Danny!! Thank you for reading my story. And, yes I remember bedazzling your hat hahah! Good times for sure pal. I hope you are well. And, God does work all things for good…not matter how painful. I am looking to God for my victory. And, I really hope the same for you as well!!!!! Thank you for writing in so much detail. It is true, there are a lot of crazy things in this world now a days. And relationships are so complex…and different. God is the one who puts everything together–and we have to trust him to lead us to the right people.

      Like

      • danny stark says:

        yeah for sure,i just avoid having anything to do with girls,i just would rather not any strange happenings cus I always have to go in on a solo mission. so I d rather just stay away. cus
        its alwaysa mess since the ladys always want to see me party and I don’t even party. and that’s where things go wrong. so that’s why id rather just be friends (if anything ) since
        everytime I hang out with a lady. it goes no where since they give me a lot of flack
        and crap since id rather go to church and go work out or any other type of sober happening.
        anything a dude would prolly do to a lady I ll probley have happen or something up that alley. its never worth even trying since I just get upset and cranky cus I get the short end and they never want to do anything I do. but ill go to a party and just sit there bored when everyone else is parretying its annoying. I don’t really hold a grudge but I get more crap
        from the females that id rather be sober or go to any sober setting. its always a task.
        or they ask why I want to be sober so badly.whats it matter to be different. it suits me as a person. too much give and take and it gets annoying.

        Like

  10. danny stark says:

    for sure again,sorry if I went too great in to detail I just kind of started typing after I had read,
    what you posted and for whatever reason kept going since I didn’t have much else going on I guess. but yeah I rather just be friends with a female myself just due too. I don’t really trust females since I usally get what most females get from guys. so I understand I guess you can say. and I try not to get so torn up. but its always nice when you’re a guy and you have a lady to hangout with. its just better I think since I know im not a person that should date.
    and that’s kind of how I start thinks out it may be weird or aswkward but id rather just have it known. esp if I start having all these feelings. I just state and see what happens since
    I never know cus some times I can act myself but than sometimes id rather just avoid
    anything more than friends worthy since it can vary from each situation on my end
    since im the one that always ends up getting hurt or messed over. in the long run.i get the short end of the stick. and norm don’t care but as a human and when youre in the moment
    any number of things can go wrong with in you. since its like you open up to some one.
    and hope to trust them but than you get done dirty. half the time I do everything.and
    just get in a lot of petty fights due to every female ive delt with just wants me to party with them.
    and I don’t even party on my own time. so its kind of usaslly since its like we just
    get in fights about me rather being sober than intoxicated and it just makes it too annoying
    cus they try to play all kinds of games and say I need to relax or chill. its just dumb.
    cus I always hangout with party girls and let them figure themselves out. but than
    they give me a hard time and I don’t unless its something worth pinching them over.
    otherwise if they are okay and not trapped too deep its cool but for me.
    I just always get the party girls and I end up complex cus in the head just out of dumb fights over this and that and why I cant just party with her if I go to a party or such as that.
    so I guess my own problem with me always being the sober one out the two.
    and I don’t really care on their side unless its taking their life apart or they end up doing
    something out of sorts or inappropriate. other than that I cant really judge or hold anything on them or against them so I try not too but than its just dumb cus they just want the things
    anyone would think I would and its annoying cus im just looking to hang but than
    its like they try to change me or pressure me and its like baaah hum bug or such as that.
    its usally I guess its just annoying since id rather go to church her a good service and see whats up or go work out or such as that. so I can relate chicks want to date me.
    than they get off put that I want to be sober. its annoying cus it makes things tense and its a endless cycle. cus theyre always like youd look cute intoxicated its just annoying but I try to not get down in the dumps cus its not really needed but that’s all it comes too. I even had some one dump me once in hs we dated for two weeks and I wouldn’t have sex with her so she just dumped me. so its just you have to learn as you go I guess. its less pressure or tense to me
    if youre just friends or bffs cus when you say your bffs than date or get married its a whole new thing than some one gets took advantage of. ive prolly been took advantage of just cus
    how nice of a person I am. so I could prolly relate with out even knowing it. so I guess
    its better to just be pals. so no one suffers. cus I end up getting super angry myself.
    and it always bugs me but I as well don’t hide it. may not be something to admit.
    but id rather the cards be out there in the for going. cus im not perfect and I don’t
    play like I am. so I maybe a smitten kitten or swoon by cupid but I alwsays get made fun of
    by this or that chick for rathering being sober as well as rather go to church events
    vrs parties cus females just try to turn me in to every other dude they know. and a party boy and me and party don’t work out cus I had too many funny things happen to me when I was a little kid personally an other wise that I kept to myself and that’s why I figured to be sober when I was fourteen. hahaa. so I get a lot of heat and negoitivy myself from femals. they always harass me or criticize me and im like if people expect something than leave me be. and you can go eslse wehere its not like I mthinking this is for ever and ever. but I have gotten side tracked
    if shes been super pretty and all that since I am only guy hahahaha. but hope you are okay. sorry for the rant. I just hate when I her about any of my female homefries getting done dirty since ive had ex amount of homegirls cry to me about dude realted things since my teen years. that I always feel something or get upset cus I have a lot of females vent to me. and im like girl just be single and do your own thing. id say pray about it but most the time it doesn’t seem fitting so I may in my own time but I just kind of just go with the person and where they come from. cus sometimes I talk about church stuff and it weirds them out haha. its just life
    but youre jen so its all good you got your sis and shes a trooper. always my fav homefries from yester year. even If I don’t keep in touch. I was watchin a video of that time we all went to chuck e cheese and I was just shaking my hips dancing like my home girl shakira an was like
    dang I look super duper happy and I blamed you and jess. and I think steven was like
    danny you’ve hit the deep end youre at chuck e cheese shakin your hips hahahaha. strange person iam. much love tho.

    Like

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