My husband chose his new mistress over me. But, I wasn’t jealous of her–I was jealous of him. My husband seemed to be doing so much better than me; he committed adultery and seemed to be enjoying his life. On social media, his new mistress claimed she was experiencing some of her “happiest days” with him. Meanwhile, I was trying to pick up the pieces of my heart—trying hard not to break down. I envied his “happiness.” I was jealous.
I remember sticking my head out of the window to get some fresh air because I had to calm down. My husband went public with another woman, and we are still married! For a second, I wanted to jump out—but immediately I countered the lie—the lie that my life was over. I said, “I want to live. I want to live!”
Being jealous of your ex is poison. The enemy wants you to believe that you are the most miserable, most pathetic person, and that you are alone in your suffering. The enemy wants you to be devastated by the lie that your ex is experiencing the happiest times of his life without you, and that you have no way of experiencing any happiness of your own. Because I believed that my husband was happier than me, better off than me, more successful than me—I allowed myself to get wounded again. I allowed my heart to be vulnerable and experience more heartache over a lie.
Being jealous will keep you stuck in one place. It is impossible for you to be jealous and have joy at the same time. It is also impossible to move on from your old relationship if you are constantly thinking about your ex. Jealousy chooses to focus on what you don’t have. Jealousy will tell you that you have nothing good, nothing to be thankful for, and that you should keep envying your ex. Jealousy is like wearing a blindfold. When we are jealous, we cannot see the truth.
A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body;
jealousy is like cancer in the bones. (Proverbs 14:30)
If you are like me—a wife that thought her marriage would last forever—then you know how difficult it is to rebuild your life after losing your spouse. I had to relocate 2,000 miles across the country after my husband left me destitute, went through severe depression, and didn’t even know where to begin. Meanwhile, everything in his life seemed to remain the same or get better: he kept the same stable job, continued to live in the same neighborhood, and began a new relationship.
The world might say that my husband seemed blessed after committing adultery. His world seemed to get better while my world was turned upside down. Can I tell you the truth? Sin never leads to happiness, and sin never leads to blessing. Don’t believe me? God says it in his word.
If your spouse committed adultery and walked away from your marriage, there is no reason to be jealous. Jealousy says, “I want what he has.” But, let me tell you, your ex has nothing to give you that you haven’t already gotten. They may tell you they are having the best time of their lives. However, they are merely chasing another mirage, another shadow—in hopes that the grass is greener on the other side. Their inability to know real intimacy and love is spun from a web of many complex issues—and that is nothing to be jealous over.
Ways to stop being jealous and move on:
- Be thankful. Start writing down things you are thankful for….you may not have much come to mind, but write down the little things—like clean socks. Eventually your list will start to get longer as you begin to focus on the positive.
- Pray. Start praying for your ex to know God—not for your sake but for theirs.
- Realize your life is not over. Realize that YOUR life has so much potential and that you don’t have to end your story with heartbreak.
When the lie begins to creep in that you are second best because your ex chose her instead of you, remind yourself that God chooses you every time. God will always put you first, you are always on his mind, he will never leave you, and he doesn’t break promises.
If you would like to help me pursue my dream to build orphanages, please go to www.gofundme.com/jensinedreams
This website is meant to tell others who are facing separation or divorce that they are NOT alone. Please use the links on this website to see a list of helpful books, resources, and parts of my own journey that may be able to bring some sanity to your own situation.